Posts tagged about me

Listen, it all started a very long time ago. It started off on a blind date and ended tottering on the edge of insanity. I came out of that. Somewhere in the middle of those two circumstances, I happened. Somewhere in the mix there was anger, disappointment, and regret — I am the one responsible for that. Also, somewhere in there, pre-me, there was happiness and sanity. Possibly even stability. I really can’t imagine, though.

I used to play with twigs for hours. I walked early. I read early. I think, when they look at me, they see the mixture of ideals they wanted that, somehow, got terribly off-course and ended up turning me into a foreign being. I don’t think like them. I don’t act like them. I have an imagination. It takes me far away, takes me outside my little box. Outside my mind and these four walls. It takes me wherever I want. Anywhere but here. It takes me to freedom and to open space. In my mind I can be anywhere, be anyone, do anything. Right now I am millions of miles away in a Japanese teahouse watching a geisha dance Madame Butterfly. Who is typing this, I do not know.

Somewhere in my journey, I fell in love. Somewhere in my journey, I fell out. At some point I learned my own humanity. At some point I discovered humility. Once, I was amazed by the complexity of a Triscuit. I have a terrible memory. Not terrible memories. My mind opened up a long time ago and my heart is following in the slow, steady, forward progression of maturing. I like to slip off my socks after I get in bed and feel my bare feet against the sheets. I like to cock my head back and laugh. I like silly voices and accents.

I am at that point in my life where I am overly rebellious and zealous. I found the hippie in me and embrace it openly. I am horribly impulsive and confused. I have discovered so much of myself along this path and it amazes me to learn that there is so much more left to explore. I will never truly know myself and the complexities therein. It is fun trying, though. I am not afraid of making mistakes anymore. It happens. I am not afraid to lose and learn anymore. I learned that my decisions have consequences that I must live with forever. I learned that all good things in life are worth fighting for and never let go of something you love. I learned that inspiration comes from the places you least expect it. It can come in any form. Also, often the simplest pleasures in life are the best.

Sometimes I almost convince myself that I am normal and then I remember how original we all are. Even when we try our best to fit in, we don’t. We can’t. We weren’t created to. As you can tell, I gave up on that a long time ago.

Look, it’s this simple: I’m complicated.